600mg of ibuprofen does wonders for those annoying pains that are persistent little buggers.

But where do you find the medicine for the pain that cuts you so deep that it feels like death swung a scythe to your heart?

Where do you start in a losing battle? How do you plan to win games of unfair rules and disadvantages?

Where is the salve for the burn?

There is none.

And life is really good at delivering bitch-slaps to the face.

As with everything, you have to fight your own battles, find impossible strength when you have none left, and keep yourself together.

Because if you don't protect and take care of yourself, no one else can.

When I was young, I used to think that dramas were stupid because people were being irrational and getting too butt-hurt and selfish about things.
Now that I'm older and the world seems more complicated and complex, I think I may understand why dramas happen. I'm sad to say that if I was suppose to be characterized, I might be the antagonist of the story, motivated by negative emotions. I really wish I had the maturity to step back, breathe and be rational about all this and be more caring and gracious.
Maybe trials, turbulence and loss has eroded my character because right now, I'm definitely feeling like a petulant teenager and hating everything. When do you step up and fight for what you want? And when do you step down to the side because someone is doing your job better?
Nowadays, I feel constantly pushed aside and find no value in myself. Definitely a self-defeating cycle, for how can anyone value you if you don't value yourself?

In the attempt to pursuit happiness, I'll continue trying this gratitude therapy kinda of thing.
I'm thankful for my little sister, who seems to have much more resilience and personal strengthen that I do. She's not little anymore, but I still think of her as my baby sister and I'm grateful for her...even if she's capable of being super annoying...but then again, I am capable of the same.

Random thought. Maybe back then, people were too busy to wallow in self-pity like I seem to indulge in. Sighs. Where's the motivation to do the work to keep myself functionally occuppied?

Negativity

Negative emotions cloud my mind on a daily basis and create such unpleasant thunderstorms that I wonder if the sun will ever come out to shine again.

In the hailstorm of daily obligations, duties, and work, there seems to be no time to cultivate positivity and nourish contentment. Or maybe it's just a lot harder for me, as I am prone to negativity and shrink away from optimism. Some days, chasing after happiness feels a lot like chasing after a cloud and hoping to capture it inside a jar. It's just not possible.  

They say, the road to things worthwhile is never easy...so here's to persistence and stubbornness. Be thankful for the things that are good. Maybe it's time to start a gratitude journal? Is that what they call a log/diary of keeping track of one's blessings?

Well, here goes nothing. 

Day #1: I'm thankful for having basic life necessities-- food, water, housing. Without these basics, life would be infinitely more difficult. To have to somewhere to call home.... food and water when hunger and thirst calls ...so essential yet so under-appreciated. 

 

Great Escape

Give me a camera and give me a plane ticket -- I want to see the world beyond the confines of these walls. I'm ready for my travels to be more exciting than the daily walk to school.

Call it being dramatic but constant failure is a terrible form of heartbreak. It crushes the soul and starts the seeds of doubt that success is even possible.

Dreams

In the mundane day to day routines of life, it's easy to forget the dreams that we are chasing. Sometimes, it's worthwhile to take a break and try to remember what it is that we're striving for.

Irony

The world seems to expect problematic people to know what they're doing wrong and to fix their problem on their own. However, that expectation doesn't work because problematic people quite realize they have a problem, or if they do, they don't know how to fix it. Heck, if they knew what to do about it, they won't have the problem in the first place. In summary, the world expect problems to solve themselves. Sadly, that's not going to happen. It takes collaborative effort to solve problems.